Being told to smile has always annoyed me. It doesn’t happen anymore but I used to be told regularly that I should be smiling, mainly when I was a Program Director at age 26, attending meetings and making decisions on things like staffing changes and capital expenditures. Most of the other managers were much older and all of them were men. How I hated being told to smile! It’s not like I was grimacing all the time. I just wasn’t “as pretty” without my teeth bared, apparently. It happened so regularly with one colleague in particular that I used to plan comebacks like, “I’m smiling on the inside” or “I’ll smile when there’s something to smile about’ or “don’t look at me and it won’t bother you”!
I thought about this when I watched 60 Minutes Sunday night. I couldn’t quite figure out why I was so annoyed as Katie Couric, one of the most respected journalists of our time, interviewed Condaleeza Rice, one of the most powerful women in the world. They discussed the racism Rice endured as a child, her efforts to bring democracy to troubled parts of the world: heavy stuff. And then I realized that they were both smiling widely the entire time
Katie grinned her famous gummy grin as she asked about the racially motivated firebombing of a church in Condi’s hometown that took the lives of 4 innocent children. Condi beamed her toothy beam as she told of the pain of having to use a “coloreds only” fountain in the 1960’s and how her parents tried in vain to shield her from the humiliation of segregation. I noted that Steve Kroft and Morley Safer didn’t grin non-stop while discussing their important topics, Pakistan’s terrorism links and medical personnel in New Orleans charged with murdering hospital patients after Hurricane Katrina.
To my mind, both of these women were- probably unconsciously - softening their appearances with smiles in deference to an old patriarchal perception that it’s not appealing for a girl to look too serious. It took me right back to the hallways where I had acquired a little bit of managerial power and shuddered at the ubiquitous command: Smile!